


Liminal

by Thea_K



Series: Definitive [1]
Category: ONE OK ROCK
Genre: Fictional party that's a no-no when we should be social distancing, Happy birthday Taka, In-denial Toru, Light Angst, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Slightly drunk Taka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23681959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thea_K/pseuds/Thea_K
Summary: liminal (adj): 1. relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process. 2. occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.Taka supposes he's of that age that one should start thinking of settling down, if his party guests - all near his age - are anything to go by. Toru's mind grapples with a thought he keeps hidden except for when he's alone at night.An early birthday fic for our favourite vocalist.
Relationships: Morita Takahiro/Yamashita Toru, Moriuchi Takahiro/Yamashita Toru
Series: Definitive [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860478
Comments: 9
Kudos: 22





	Liminal

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how I come up with this stuff. I lie awake in bed but my brain decides that midnight is the perfect time time to write a fic, again. Is it coz it's close to one o'clock? LOL. Enjoy.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a fictional story and not meant to offend.

**liminal** /ˈlɪmɪn(ə)l/ (adj): 1. relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process. 2. occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.

Taka supposes he's of that age that one should start thinking of settling down, if his party guests - all near his age - are anything to go by.

He watches with more than a bit of dismay as the guests trickle out one by one before midnight. An early start tomorrow, an actual 9 to 5 job, getting too old to party hard any more - he accepts variations of these with a graceful nod.

And then it's Ryota, who wants to FaceTime Michelle and the little one before bed, and Tomoya, who also has a little one but his reason is that he feels guilty for not spending as much time with his wife as he should.

Taka says he understands and pastes a smile on his face that he only lets fall once he closes his front door. When he turns around to survey his apartment, he spies plates with food scraps and empty beer cans littering random corners. Grumbling, he forces himself to turn a blind eye for now and attend to his last remaining guest.

 _At least someone stayed back_ , he thinks.

**...**

Taka finds him outside on the balcony, predictably with a cigarette dangling from his mouth and _keitai_ in hand. He is sitting crouched on the edge of where the balcony meets the interior carpet, back against the opened French door. The _keitai_ screen lights up his handsome face and makes his long bleached hair glow in the otherwise darkened space. Taka sighs and plops himself down next to him. He makes a mental note that he really ought to buy outdoor furniture.

They sit in silence. Taka fishes out his own _keitai_ to mindlessly scroll through comments on his IG. There's countless of greetings and while he appreciates them, he's currently not in the mood to reply. Distracted, he wonders if he should imbibe a little more alcohol to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling curling in his gut. ( _Disappointment_ , his mind whispers.) But he decides against it and opts instead to turn his head and watch the smoke of the other's cigarette waft slowly upward into the night air.

It's another minute or two before there's no more smoke and the finished cigarette is crushed. Long fingers carefully place the butt into a conveniently placed ashtray that only the other uses since Taka wouldn't dream of damaging his voice that way. It's his instrument: his precious treasure.

Toru catches the sullen look on his face before the vocalist has a chance to mask it. Not that he can hide much from the guitarist, whose eyes don't miss much despite their usual impassive expression.

" _Ne_ ," Taka says quietly. "Is this how it ends?

Toru makes an inquisitive hmm in that low voice of his. In the quiet of the balcony, it sends a small shiver down Taka's spine.

"I mean, half of the people we know are married and have kids now. Ryota's even starting to talk of having another one," Taka continues.

He pauses to gather his thoughts. Toru, patient as ever, takes the moment to stretch his shoulders from its hunched position, eyes contemplating the downcast face. He remains silent.

"I know it's a bit different because we're in a band, but eventually we'll have to stop too, right? Partners might be supportive now, but someone's gotta look after the kids and it isn't fair that one parent does all the job."

Taka thinks of how his mother gave up singing so she could be the dutiful wife and mother as expected by his father. He thinks beneath her smiles she must somewhat resent his father for his continued career.

"I'm jumping the gun though, aren't I? Gotta find a partner first," Taka smiles bitterly.

The alcohol must have gone to his head more than he thinks since he can't seem to stop himself hurtling down a maudlin path once he's started.

"I don't want to ever stop making music and touring with the band. Music is all I know. I love it too much to stop. But at the same time, I don't want to end up alone. Oh God, how do we even find someone who'd be willing to put up with being left behind most of the year while we live our dream? Do saints like that exist?"

Toru crosses his arms while he considers his answer. _It's a big thing to ask_ , he agrees.

Taka's speech grows ever impassioned and Toru tries his best to keep up with the non-sequiturs. He watches as the vocalist's hands rake upwards through his hair. He randomly thinks Taka looks better with his fringe pushed up. He is remembering how he was momentarily taken aback by Taka's surprisingly innocent-looking eyes after years of them being hidden under that ill-thought fringe. Taka, on the other hand, is still working himself up.

"But we gotta stop. It's really not fair that one person has to give up their dream for the other. But I really don't want to. What if we die tomorrow? We haven't even made it big in America yet. And I've got all these melodies and lyrics inside me that need to be made. Is that selfish of me? I don't think anyone would want to be with someone this selfish. Do you think I'm selfish? Mai broke up with me because she didn't see a future for us if we're always on tour. She's got great boobs - not fake at all - but she doesn't get how fun it is go around country to country! And the tour bus! I love our tour bus! Instant ramen and curry everyday!"

In a moment of self awareness between the drunken rambling, Taka questions the other: "I sound like a crazy person don't I?"

Toru's lips twitch, obviously amused, but the look in his eyes is fond.

" _Baka_ ," Toru admonishes affectionately.

Taka lets out a frustrated huff and shakes his head, willing himself to calm down. Eventually he brings his knees to his chest, which he cradles with his arms. Toru doesn't remember the last time the vocalist has looked this vulnerable. His amusement fades into concern to see his best friend this way. His fingers ache to do something, but he doesn't know what. It's not for another cigarette he doesn't think.

A sudden sniff, and then another, from the vocalist. Alarmed, the sounds stir an unknown feeling in Toru. Instinctively he peels himself from the balcony door and scoots closer to the other. It's still a little chilly this time of year and he's glad of the heat emanating from where he presses into the smaller man's side.

It's a long moment before the vocalist once again faces him.

" _Ne_ , what if I never find someone?" Taka croaks, face tilted upwards towards the taller of the pair. His eyes glisten with unshed tears, his nostrils flare with pent up emotion.

Toru's eyes furrow slightly as he feels _something_. The vulnerability he is currently privy to has unlocked something inside. _Something_ he knows that's always been there. It threatens to break through the surface when he and Taka share inside jokes and Taka's face splits into a secretive grin meant only for him. _Something_ that Toru takes out from the recesses of his mind only when he's alone at night. He carefully pushes back into his unconscious once it takes too solid a shape. 

"I think that too, all the time," Toru admits. He is not a man of many words but he forces them out anyway.

"I don't want our glory days as a band to end. We put in so much work to get where we are. Being up on stage with all of you... I feel dizzier when our fans go wild than when I run around in circles. If only it could last forever. But it can't. We're not getting any younger either. So what do we do?"

Toru watches Taka's teeth worry his bottom lip as the latter listens attentively. He continues.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm in the same boat as you. I don't think anyone would want me either if I'm this selfish. That and 'cause I make the toilet block up with too many tissues all the time."

Taka tries to smile at the guitarist's joke but it's still more of a watery grimace. That _something_ within Toru's mind is unshackled by the vocalist's rawness.

Toru's restraint breaks and he raises a hand to thumb away a slowly rolling tear on Taka's face. He feels his brain working overtime to grasp at that liminal thought as he lowers his hand after. Taka's eyes search his, for what he doesn't know. Seconds are eons.

Finally the vocalist turns back to face forward. There's a pause before he hesitantly places his head on the guitarist's shoulder. Toru's train of thought falters. They've been in this position before but it's never felt like this.

A light rain starts to fall but they are well within the balcony's roof to be bothered by it. The guitarist lifts an arm to wrap around the smaller man's shoulders. The pitter-patter of raindrops is like a lullaby.

Toru's thoughts turn inward as Taka's shaking subsides. He does honestly worry that he won't find someone, too. And he's starting to think maybe he's missing something obvious. Like he's standing too close to a Monet and all he can see are thick pastel brushstrokes in an undefined pattern.

**...**

_Do I dare_

_Disturb the universe?_

_In a minute there is time_

_For decisions and revisions that a minute will reverse._ **#**

**...**

Taka's breathing evens out and the taller man takes a peek at his face to confirm that he is indeed asleep. Toru tosses up whether to wake the man and tell him to go bed. But the weight of his head and the warmth of the body against him feels too good to part with. So Toru places his own cheek against the sleeping man's head.

Taka stirs as he is jostled while the other makes himself comfortable. Through his sleepy haze he feels what he'll realise later is a light touch of lips to his hair. His mind catches a mumble before it slips into blessed darkness.

_Happy birthday, Taka-chan._

The rain continues quietly.

_**Owari.** _

**Author's Note:**

> #From the poem The Ballad of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Elliot. My fave lines of poem ever.
> 
> I again hid subtle references to things I watched from OOR's interviews. Also, to my favourite OOR song. Can you guess what it is? If you liked it, leave me a note, lovey reader?


End file.
